Kildare Library Service

Author: Sophie White

Genre: Adult Fiction, Horror

Reviewed by: Heather

Sophie White was one of the authors that we were thrilled to have join us last year for Kildare Readers Festival, where she discussed her latest book at our event ‘Creeping It Real: The Rebirth of Female Horror.’ Unfortunately, I couldn’t make it to the event myself, which was a shame, but I managed to pick up a copy of Where I End at another Readers Festival event, at which Woodbine Books had a pop-up shop for the festival.

(The event I did attend was ‘Chat LGBT: A Question of Queer Irish Literature’, if you were curious, and I had a great time. During the event, authors Declan Toohey and Katherine O’Donnell discussed their debut novels, Perpetual Comedown and Slant, both of which I read with my book club in Maynooth Library and both of which I also highly recommend. Anyway, back to the review!)

Winner of the Shirley Jackson Award in 2022, Where I End follows the teenage Aoileann as she cares for her bed-bound mother in their isolated home on an island off the coast of Ireland. It begins as Aoileann takes over as her mother’s primary caregiver, a role previously managed by her grandmother, with Aoileann’s assistance. With her grandmother now taking a new job in a new local museum, Aoileann gains some freedom as she is now left alone in the house for hours every day, but also loses freedom as more of her time is taken over with her mother’s care.

Aoileann is a complicated protagonist, as she does some terrible things throughout the story but it’s hard not to feel sympathetic towards her. She’s lived her whole life on the island, never having visited the mainland where her father lives, and the rest of their small community treats her like an outcast. She has no-one in her life to speak to other than her grandmother, who also keeps her at arm’s length, and her mother, who is unable to speak and doesn’t appear to comprehend what is said to her. Aoileann’s day-to-day life revolves primarily around her mother’s care – keeping her fed, clean, and safe. The only visitor they get is Aoileann’s father, who lives on the mainland and visits occasionally, never staying for long when he does.

It’s unclear at the beginning of the story what exactly happened to Aoileann’s mother that led to her condition, or why Aoileann is not welcomed in the local community. What we do know is that she’s incredibly isolated and neglected by those around her. It’s no surprise then that when a newcomer arrives on the island, an artist with a newborn son, Aoileann latches on to her. She’s the only person in the community unaware of Aoileann’s status as outcast and provides Aoileann’s only opportunity to engage with someone outside of her family. It’s a deeply tragic, but very compelling, story.

White’s writing style is excellent and really draws you into the story and the setting, despite the heavy subject matter. The copy that I bought had the first few lines from the book printed on the back, before the synopsis, and they hooked me in immediately.

“My mother.

At night, my mother creaks. The house creaks along with her. Through our thin, shared wall, I can hear the makings of my mother gurgle through her body, just like the walls of the house. I hate the sound. In the daytime, it is covered, wrapped up in the radio and the wind and the low hum of the electricity. But at night, in the silence, her insides gush and she seems alive in a way that, during the daylight, she does not.”

Where I End, 2022 (p. 1).

This introduction to the novel – to its characters, its themes, and its atmosphere – is so effective and conveys so much in just a few lines. We can feel Aoileann’s weariness in the short sentences, as if she’s just taking everything one slow step at a time, and the disconnect from her family in her references to “the house” rather than “our home”. We can see something of the complex relationship she has with her mother, and the overwhelming presence of her mother in her life. It’s an excellent introduction and it sets the scene so effectively.

There are quite a few heavy topics that are raised throughout this story. There’s the element of childhood neglect, as Aoileann is shunned by her community and by her family. There’s the issue of caregiver burnout, which is a reality for many people around the world, especially for those who, like Aoileann, don’t have a strong support network. There’s also the new mother, who struggles to care for her newborn alone and ends up relying on a near-stranger for help.

As a horror, it’s more unsettling than outright frightening. The creaking sounds of Aoileann’s mother, the “bed-thing”, as she moves around at night, the cryptic messages Aoileann finds in her room, and the endless unanswered questions about the past, her mother and her childhood – there is so much in Aoileann’s life that is frightening and unsettling, yet at the same time all too realistic.

Full of complicated characters and relationships, this is a fascinating story and I would highly recommend it. I ended up finishing it over a weekend because I just had to know what happened, both the conclusion of Aoileann’s story and the truth of what happened to her mother. White’s compelling writing pulls you right into Aoileann’s world and her story, and it’s a very hard book to put down once you’ve picked it up.

If you’re interested in giving Where I End a read, you can find a copy on our library catalogue by clicking here.